


At the End of Summer

by magnolia3



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnolia3/pseuds/magnolia3
Summary: Itaru can't seem to shake off the feeling that Chikage is acting strange and distant. He just waits for an opportunity to ask him about it... Why don't Chikage just tell him anything?
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	At the End of Summer

I woke up to the sound of rain pattering in my window. For a moment I dreaded that the lack of sunlight made me slept in, but fortunately that wasn’t the case. I _did_ intend to wake up a little earlier to make breakfast for Senpai (sometimes even I get tired of eating out all the time, and I don’t exactly want to burden the director this early in the morning), but guess that’s for next time now. I would never finish it before he wakes up.

Oh, nevermind, he’s already up, it seems. He’s just staring off the window in complete silence, that’s why I didn’t notice before.

He didn’t greet me either.

“Good morning…”

I trailed off without even calling him out. For some reason, it was like… I was afraid I could hurt him by mistake. That’s the fragile aura he’s giving off right now, repelling me instantly. I heard people say before that he gives an unapproachable aura but I doubt that’s the feeling they meant. I mean, I never really agree with them, but I could somewhat get where they were coming from, being familiar with building a fortress around you to protect yourself.

Did I look this lonely too, I caught myself thinking.

Is it because I understand you that you can lower your guard around me?

“Good morning, Chigasaki.” I’m not sure how long it took for him to reply. Guess he did hear me after all. Likewise, it also took me some time to keep the conversation flowing, my thoughts a mess. He didn’t seem to care though, although he did give me a strained smile. Noticing my staring (and most likely blush), he finally gets out of bed. I just let him approach me to kiss and then flick my forehead, making me voice some half-assed complaint in reply. He doesn’t waste time to sneer and throw some sarcastic words my way, like he usually does. Everything goes back to normal so swiftly and fast, I almost thought I imagined the whole ordeal. And that’s precisely what I try to convince myself of as I change into my work clothes.

This suck. Now I’m really anxious for some reason. I normally like rainy days, they are relaxing and perfect for “indoors people,” so I don’t want to ruin that image associating them with this weird feeling of not being trusted. I was feeling way better when just the clouds were trying to leave me in the dark…

I try calling out to Senpai one more time just as we were leaving the dorm, wanting to know if he’s still down or if I’m just being paranoid and he is fine from the start, but he turns his back and walks away before I could muster the courage to ask a single question. We don’t go to work together because getting there at the same time is enough to spark an unmanageable number of rumors among our colleagues, meaning my next chance of being alone with him is when we get back to the dorms in the evening. Just great. I can’t see his face from behind his umbrella, and I decide to copy him and hide myself under my own umbrella, but to hide my embarrassment. I know he didn’t brush me off on purpose but…

I can only hear the rain.

*******

Our day at work proceeded like any other. None of our coworkers ever caught on Senpai’s unusual behavior, and I believe if I pointed it out, people would give _me_ weird looks. Granted, on the surface it really didn’t seem he was acting any differently, but that’s because Senpai would never let his emotions get in the way of his work. No one can match his professionalism. Still… On the few occasions I stole a glance, sometimes he just… He just stopped, let out a sigh and slightly hang his head, looking at his unmoving hands, his ring reflecting the dull light of the office. Senpai may not tell me many things about himself, but I know at least he would never complain about his work while on the clock, nor have a look of defeat on his face like he just can’t wait to go home.

Yeah, that’s exactly why they would be giving me weird stares, why am I spending the day watching and thinking about Senpai instead of concentrating on my work?

The rain is surely getting louder. I can blame it for my lack of concentration, maybe. It _is_ damn distracting…

At some point, the day ended, and I could only feel ashamed at myself. While I didn’t leave anything unfinished for the day, I could definitely wrap it up better and faster. Well, no matter, I’m sure back at the dorms I’ll finally be able to think about something that’s not my own delusions of Senpai. I should call Banri so we can take on some dungeon quests or something. I’m kind of drained after overloading my own mind, maybe I should talk with Senpai tomorrow morning, after I can recharge my energy.

“Someone’s moody today.” And _whose_ fault is that?!

“Ahaha, you noticed, Senpai? Sorry, just had a few unlucky accidents this morning because of the rain. Today is just not my day, that’s all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Chigasaki-san.”

“I can relate. I forgot to close one of the windows last night, imagine the state of my room this morning… Ah, by the time I got here I was already so tired.”

“Everyone is having it rough today, huh…” My little comment triggered some small talk among our female coworkers that were nearby, getting ready to leave. I was this close to use the opportunity to ask Senpai how’s his day going, but eventually decided against. I knew all too well he’s not going to like being put in the spotlight right here. If he didn’t tell me when we’re were by ourselves, he’s not going to do it in front of all these girls. He’ll just lie, that’s exactly what I just did, didn’t I?

Wait, what I just tried to do, and what happened to “talk with Senpai tomorrow morning”?

“If it was in the morning, it’s no use to stress over it now, Chigasaki-san. What’s done is done. So how about we go for some drinks for you to forget all about it?” This guy is not a bad person, but _I_ feel bad thinking about all the times I turn his invites down because I rather go straight home to game. It’s a wonder he didn’t give up on being my friend yet. The “mask” I wear at work must be _that_ good. “Utsuki-san, you can come too.” I damn hope I didn’t react weirdly when he said that.

“Okay, sure, I’m free. What do you say, Chigasaki?” I’m sorry, what? I really wasn’t expecting him to _accept it_!!!! What’s the plan at work here? Is he planning to drink his worries away? But then why is he even going along with these other guys? I thought he was trying to hide his anxieties from others. And just when I was trying to get us alone to figure out what’s on his mind!

No, wait, this isn’t right… If that can cheer him up, then it’s all good. I don’t need to be the one to lift his spirits... I don’t even know if I would be able to…

I wanted to try, though. But I was too slow this time. Good job, Itaru, you can speedrun your favorite RPGs just fine, but on the outside world, where it really counts, when it really counts, you lose before even starting for being damn slow. I feel like Senpai left me behind once again today.

“Chigasaki?” Crap, my inner self-hating monologue went on for far too long, that pause in the conversation ended up too unnatural. Things keep getting worse.

“O-oh, yeah, sure, I’m coming too.” Not only I didn’t want to leave his side just yet (yeah, my competitive gamer self wouldn’t feel at ease with me giving up so soon, despite my early cries of defeat), I may as well use the opportunity to drown my worries in alcohol. It’s not something I usually do, as I fear my mask could slip off if I ever get myself drunk, but a little bit to loosen my anxieties wouldn’t hurt now. I’m definitely tired, that wasn’t a lie. Besides, there’s no need to be nervous, Senpai will be there as well. Yeah yeah, he ignored me enough throughout the day, but if something happened there that could hurt me, if I let some detail about me, about us, escape unintended, he would take my side, right? He would protect me and take me out of there even if he’s a little out of it, right?

I would do it for him…

These silly hopes continued to fill my mind as our group left the building, the rain still falling with no signs of stopping.

*******

We’re back in our room. Contrary to my first dumb assumptions, Senpai stayed as guarded as ever through the entire thing, basically only nodding and engaging in the most superficial conversations. He was wearing his business smile all the time, but considering he met my gaze in a brief and discreet way every three minutes he knew full well I wasn’t buying it.

Now we’re finally alone. None of us broke the silence. I was just a bit tipsy (and I’m guessing Senpai too), so I think I can do it without blurting out any of my unnecessary embarrassing thoughts. If anything, I just feel my restraints, being them shame and fear of rejection, coming loose. In the comfort of home, I slightly lower my defenses, inviting him to approach me with my body language alone. I do my best to make him notice me. You’re not fleeing anymore. You won’t do that face in front of me ever again. I won’t let you.

“Senpai…” I finally start. He sighs, maybe noticing he’s cornered. Or maybe in defeat? We’re not in the office anymore, so he drops his mask as soon as he sees I dropped mine. Only here we can show our true selves…

“Chigasaki.” He gives me one long and deep kiss. I’m the one that separate us, but only for a few centimeters, to regain my breath. Not only he stole my air but also my words, as I blank immediately, not sure how I intended to get the conversation going. Damn, is he trying to distract me??? I glare at him, any attempt of intimidation ruined because of my now red-tinted cheeks.

“Amuse me for a while.” That was really unromantic and unsexy, but at this point I’m used to it. “I’ll listen to you after we’re done.”

“I don’t plan to make it quick, you know?”

“Neither do I.” Even his sneer just now felt strained.

“Ha… Now you’re paying attention to me, pervert.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice your cute worried mutterings. Attentive is the one thing I always am. I have to.”

“You could have said something if you were listening!”

“Not in front of them.”

“This is about me. You can say something in front of me.” Wow, he didn’t even give me a comeback. When I think I could finally talk my heart out, he surprises me once again carrying me to the bed and opening some of the buttons of my shirt.

“Okay, enough of ruining the mood.”

“I don’t remember ever setting up a mood.” He lowered his posture, coming closer, his voice merely a whisper.

“I can’t fool you now, can I? You saw who’s truly moody here today.” Okay, that one really takes the prize as the most unexpected thing that happened today. “I feel like my emotions are just spiraling out of control. But I won’t let that take a hold of me. All will return to normal before long.”

“But how long will that take? You yourself noticed how anxious I was since morning, are you telling me I’ll have to see you in pain for another day and endure it?”

“That’s why I’m asking for this one moment of pleasure now. We can overwrite this frustration, and start anew next morning feeling refreshed. Let us just release it all here.”

“And then what, keep doing this cycle every day?” I’m not sure what part of it was refreshing. Why is he so afraid of the future he has to live one day at a time? I don’t know enough of his past to answer this question, but I at least can say for certain this is no release. Senpai, Chikage-san, you’re just bottling everything up, hoping I few rotating distractions could take your mind off your problems. I know I’m not mistaken on this. I, of all people, would know.

I wonder if that was why we just gravitated toward each other.

“Just give me an answer.” Chikage-san said impatiently. I know I shouldn’t just go along with him here, as that would just hurt us both in the long run. So, in a surge of courage I know I will never ever muster again, I flip our positions in bed and ask him a different question. If he tries to tease me in the future for it, I’ll just blame the alcohol (that I can barely feel in my system at this point, but he doesn’t need to know that).

“You know I don’t need this kind of excuse or justification to sleep with you.”

“Oh?” He looks pretty taken aback. Good.

“But it does bother me if that’s your _only_ reason.”

“Heh, if you have more reasons, do share them with me.” Yeah, I just played myself. Should have seen that coming a mile away.

But if I want him to truly open up to me…

“I like… being with you, Senpai. I really do.” I can already see he’s going to say something embarrassing, so I silence him with a soft kiss. He ruffles my hair then. I got the impression he tried to mutter “me too” in between our kisses, but I’m kind of shy to ask for confirmation.

“Okay, let’s do it like this then: since Chigasaki have so many better reasons for us to spend time together tonight, I’ll just go along with his whims just this once. How does that sound?”

“You’re making me look pretty selfish.”

“You can be. So, what do you want to do?” I really wanted to talk, but this feeling of euphoria took total control of my mind now.

“I want Senpai… to make love to me.” I struggle to keep looking him in the eye. But I managed to force my words out just fine. It’s hardly the first time we do this, but thanks to Chikage-san inability of being romantic, I always feel awkward initiating it. It doesn’t look like he sees us as a couple, not that we are, to be honest, we just mess around sometimes when we’re out of everyone’s view. The problem is that ingenuous little me, deep down, keeps hoping for something more…

My mind is kind of blocking the outside now, but I hope the rain is still loud, so no one can listen to our passionate moment.

*******

I rest my head over Chikage-san’s chest, the feeling of nervousness that had its grip on me since early morning finally leaving my body. It’s not like I’m not tired anymore, on the contrary actually, but being this close to Chikage-san is slowly making me forget the times he put a wall between us today. He was a bit more rough than usual tonight, but he still was extremely mindful whether I was feeling comfortable or not. He did say he was attentive, huh… I shouldn’t really be this happy over such a little thing, and one thing that he _definitely_ should pay attention to, no less, but here am I.

I should be talking to Chikage-san now, like we promised, but maybe I can take in this pleasure for a few more minutes… If this was all Chikage-san’s plan to dodge our talk, I’ll just let him win this time.

“Hey, Chigasaki.” Huh, he’s the one that started talking. That really made him feel refreshed and calmer. “Is there a time of the year, like a month, that you don’t particularly like?”

“I never really thought about it, but I guess February? By the time it rolls, I just want winter to end.” And spring to come again, bringing new opportunities, new beginnings…

“Heh, I’ll remember that and keep you warm next year.”

“What about you, Senpai?” I knew what he was getting at.

“Right now. August. The end of summer.”

“Honestly, that’s unexpected. Why is that?”

“Just too many feelings and memories. Good ones, bad ones. I just hate that.” He tightens his embrace, like he’s trying to bring me even closer to him. Is he scared? Is he lonely? I’ll never know if you don’t tell me, Chikage-san.

“Please tell me what’s on your mind. I don’t intend to criticize you, nor will I offer advice if you want it so. I can just listen. You don’t need to carry this burden all by yourself. We here are your family. You can trust us, trust me.”

I finally conveyed my feelings. Unfortunately, Chikage-san doesn’t do the same. The only sound I hear is Chikage-san’s calm breathing.

“I know.” I lift my body to look him in the eye. “And that’s why I don’t plan to crush all of you under the weight of my regrets.”

“But Senpai…”

“I appreciate it, but you already do a lot for me just being with me, Chigasaki, you have no idea.” I want to do more though, damn it. He gently takes my hand, how fragile must I be looking. More like disappointed. Is he trying to apologize to me? Even so, I’m positive that I wasn’t the one closest of breaking down.

“Okay, fine. I won’t force you to talk if don’t feel like it.” I sighed. At the very least, he shared that August is a month with some sort of significance to him. He barely tells me anything, I can count that bit of information as a win for now. “But if you ever feel it’s becoming too much for you to bear, you know where to find me.”

“Right by my side. It won’t happen, though.”

“Yeah right, tough guy. I’ll just have to make myself mentally stronger so we can carry your sins together.” He genuinely laughed at that. “In the meantime, you go get ready to talk your heart out to me! One day, I’ll hear your full story.”

“Is that a promise for us to keep?” He says, with a grin. I half-meant that as a joke, and I’m not sure if he’s just going along with it.

“For as long as we’re together, until that day comes.” I gave him my best smile. It doesn’t matter if he pushes me aside or closes himself to everyone, I’ll keep calling his name. One day, I’ll convince him he’s not a burden and he’s welcome in our lives.

“I’ll try to remember that.” I’m under the impression he’s slightly embarrassed. He then lowers his voice. “Just don’t cry in front of me again, that’s playing dirty now.” He added, flicking my forehead.

“Huh?” Damn, I thought I was holding myself well, but it looks like I let a few tears escape. I felt the wetness in my cheeks to confirm, but it wasn’t even necessary as Chikage-san started wiping them off my face the next instant.

“Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t trying to. I think I just got overwhelmed, that’s all.” Heh, happy moments really make me cry more easily than sad ones, it seems. “This happened before, you know? It was before you joined the troupe, on the closing night of our first play, right there in the backstage, as soon as we heard the heartfelt applauses from the audience after the finale. A long time passed since then, but I still can’t explain clearly what went through my head in that moment. Relief, fulfillment, happiness, comfort, camaraderie, all of those at once? I can only say with certainty that it was something so positive that I couldn’t hold it in. Of course, I felt really embarrassed to show my crying face to the others but they just felt happy for me too.” It would be unfair of me to ask Chikage-san to open up while not laying my own feelings bare for him. I can’t say I’m ready to tell every little thing about me to him, but we can work on that together. I’ll take the lead if I need to.

“And what kind of emotion triggered your tears this time, can you tell?” I’m sure he’s doing this on purpose.

“Achievement!”

“So, it’s not only on video games that you celebrate your victory far too early.” Wait, does he pay attention to me while I play?

“I wouldn’t call this a complete victory just yet, but I did get a little closer to the guy I love, so let me be happy in peace.” I blurted it so unceremoniously I surprised us both. More awkward silence follows. I hug him while I still think some sort of follow-up.

“I wish I could be as honest as you.” Chikage-san could only sigh.

“You can.”

“Nah, it’s not my style.”

“It can be, starting now.”

“The others will think I lost it completely.”

“I won’t.”

“Can you stop being cute and let me complain?”

“I’m going to cry again.”

“Are you threatening me now?” I start laughing, the awkwardness finally gone. I kiss him on the cheek.

“Next summer, I’ll make sure you’ll be laughing with me.”

“Let’s see if you can.” He then hugs me, resting his chin in my shoulder. I rest my hands on his back, trapping him in my embrace. “But that’s for next time. For today, I guess I can do it like you, just this once.”

“Senpai…?” It’s just me or did... his voice just broke a little in the end? “Are you… crying?”

“Just letting it out of my system. It’s weird.”

“Are you happy? Still sad?”

“You’re more emotional than me and even so you have a problem to sort your own feelings, do you think I’ll know?” I can’t really argue with that.

“I’m here.”

“Just don’t look this way.” His voice is getting lower, as if he really doesn’t want me to pay attention to his trembling tone. That’s both childish and cute, but he’ll _definitely_ get pissed if I tell him that.

For now, I’ll just let him be. He can take his time. I know Chikage-san’s dishonest and have some trust issues, but what he’s showing me here now, this side of him, I can tell it’s real. If he’s willing to give me a chance to understand him, to look at his real self, I’ll give him everything he needs to prove this was the right choice. Today I’m only watching his unguarded back, but who knows what tomorrow holds.

I pay attention to the sound of the rain until Chikage-san let it all out. It’s not a bad sound, actually. But I still hope we can have a sunnier August next year. Until then, I’ll act as Chikage-san light. The first thing he’ll see tomorrow morning will be my brightest smile. I could also call him something cute, but I think I said enough embarrassing things for a lifetime. I’ll settle for something simpler, but refreshing.

When Chikage-san finally faced me again, he made one sarcastic statement about how we should sleep because we have work tomorrow. He was still in my arms when I woke up. Softly, I called him.

“Good morning, Chikage-san.”

The rain finally stopped.


End file.
